Beauty Pampering Day

Thursday 12 August

When I called to make my reservation I did feel a little bit selfish and guilty but I knew I’d get over it.

I started with 35 minutes at the gym. Then cam home and played Scooby-doo games on the computer.

At 10:00 I took Andy over to the neighbors so he could join them on a trip to the dolphinarium. Petra surprised me with a potted plant! I have the best neighbors.

I can’t believe I’ve lived here 16 years and am still discovering local secrets.

I find saunas such a healing experience. Seeing all these real bodies wipes out all those false airbrushed/starved images from the media.

I am given my agenda. I tell the girl that I don’t eat sweets when a plate of apple strudel is set before me. At first I thought, ‘what am I going to do for eight hours?’ But it turns out I’m gonna be pressed for time if I want to try all the facilities. I say I don’t want to do the 20 minute sun bed that is part of my package. I’m already wrinkly enough. The infra red sauna looks intriguing.

The spa is decorated in peach, rust, tan, butter/egg yolk, cinnamon, gold and wheat colors. It exudes a luxurious, quiet, calm and feminine atmosphere.

After a short tour of the saunas and a quick soak in the foot bath- I am called for my first treatment. It’s a body peeling and gel packing. I am given the choice of; weight loss, firming or detox. I chose the firming. I am scrubbed and then told to shower. Then Franke, my beauty consultant covers me in gel, wraps me in a space blanket and another insulated blanket. She massages my scalp then leaves me to ‘bake’ for 15-20 minutes. It’s very hot. I remember the name of the singer of the song that way playing. It was Leonard Cohen singing, “Suzanne”. I shower again and she rubs me all over with lotion. Herbal tea is part of the treatment. It’s suspiciously sweet.

I enjoyed a tuna nicoise salad for lunch. Fresh squeezed orange juice. Bread, at least it was brown. I picked the croutons out of my salad.

The lights in the infrared sauna are timed. I sit there for 5 minutes and then go outside to cool off slowly. I am surprised that the raindrops don’t sizzle as the land on my hot skin.

Time for my foot treatment. My feet are peeled with a scrub, rinsed, then covered in a cooling lotion (mint?) wrapped in foil and then a towel. While my feet steep my hand and arms are massaged.

So then I shower and swim a little in the outside pool. The water is warm as a caress. I am eager to try out the other saunas. First I go into the Turkish steam bath. Always a favorite of mine. The ceiling is dark and there are twinkle lights sprinkled all over it. New age saxophone music with birds plays. To cool off I go outside and push the button for the ‘mist pergola’. A vine covered pergola is fitted with misting shower heads. What fun! Next I’m off to the herbal sauna. I can’t read the timer so I time myself by waiting until my navel is filled with sweat. After this I try one of the many cold showers. There is one fitted in the corner of the communal stall with six shower heads. I try to take a nap in a quiet room but I can’t. Weird.

After a cappuccino I try the last sauna. It’s a heated tile room. I drape my towel over a bench and lay on my stomach. The heat is glorious as it soak upward into my body. I try to lie on my back but the bench is too narrow. So I put my towel on the floor which is also heated and practice the yoga ‘corpse’ pose. My bones have relaxed into jelly.

I cool off by swimming in the indoor pool. During my last shower I wash my hair with the free body and hair soap. Gee, I’m clueless – forgot to bring my toiletries.

Andy’s 5^th birthday party or the care and feeding of a social butterfly

I’d been dreading it for weeks. My little boy Andy would be turning five and I succumbed to the pressure to throw a kid’s party for him. I was clueless. How many kids to invite? How many hours long should the party be? What would we do during those long hours? How would I avoid a complete mental breakdown if it rained the day of the party?

I volunteered to ‘help’ a friend with her 5 year olds birthday party. It was more for ideas of what to do than anything else. She seemed organized enough. I thought I could simply copy her party but then she volunteered to help at my party! My husband would not be around on the day so I would be doing this alone if it weren’t for her.

Andy wanted a Ninja Turtle party but his little girlfriend said she wouldn’t come if that was the theme. We settled on a dolphin party. I created some handmade invitations complete with a movable blue paper dolphin and we set off on my bike to mail them. Although we’d already made a list of ten(!) kids Andy asked to invite an eleventh as we rode to the post office. I refused.

In a moment of temporary insanity I hosted my book club earlier the same week as the birthday party. Never do this. For the book club I made the first of many double batches of brownies that week.

It’s the custom here for the one who has the birthday to treat the other kids in the class. In the school handbook is a plea to keep the treats healthy but of course that is difficult and risks making your kid unpopular. I baked two double batches of brownies for a headcount of approximately 28 kids. I stole my friend’s idea of simply piping white icing ‘5s’ on each of the cookies. I asked my neighbor what was the custom about getting his teachers presents and she said something about a card and chocolates. I made yet another dolphin card, this time with movable gold dolphins on a silver card. And bought a box of mini candy bars.

You must understand while I really enjoy making homemade cards, it’s more because I’m stingy than having any artistic ability. The same reason applies to baking brownies in place of buying a cake. Last year his cake cost 30 Euro (about the same in dollars).

The day dawned. Of course it was ‘show & tell’ day and library day as well. Andy decided to take ‘Carter’ his wind up musical stuffed dog for show & tell. I called the carpool mother and told her I’d be bringing my son in myself so we could celebrate his birthday. I arrived very early so we sat in the car for a couple of minutes to calm myself.

Once in the classroom I sat uncomfortabley as all the kids and parents streamed in and congratulated me. When the teacher showed me the card Andy had made to take around as he passed out chocolates to his other teachers, I put my card away. I wonder how many years of my life have been spent in excruciating awkwardness? Andy took his place by his teacher and donned his dark blue and orange crepe paper hat. Juf (Miss) explained that he’s chosen the blue. I thought, and kept to myself, ‘probably because that is the color of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Leonardo’s ninja mask.

All the children sit in a circle; they each have a chair with their name on it.

After all the other parents were gone it was very easy to see who was sick that day. I thought, ‘that’s a very clever way to avoid taking attendance.’ The teacher left to fetch me a cup of tea and all hell broke lose. I think it’s my aura. It just makes kids act up.

Anyway first they sang Happy Birthday in as many languages as possible. I swear the words to it in Japanese sounded like, ‘Teriyaki Kung fu’. Do the kids really think those are the words in Japanese? Or does the teacher think that it gives them a feel for foreign languages? She must be right, because you’ve got to admit the Dutch excel at foreign tongues. Then Andy was allowed to pick five other kids in the class to sing a song of their choosing. With each song the teacher lit a votive. One boy, Hidde had brought a guitar for show & tell, when Andy chose him we were treated to a very long 15 seconds of strumming on an untuned instrument.

We passed out the brownies and I realized I should have brought napkins. Boy those things really generate crumbs! When they found out that I had baked them myself, Julian said, ‘that deserves a round of applause!’

Then Andy remembered his dog and asked if Carter could sing a song. What had been noisy chaos became absolute quiet as Carter’s music box play. Carter’s head also rotates ever so slightly you have to really concentrate to detect the movement.

An Austrian Skiing Diary

Friday, February 27, 2004

To avoid traffic we left at 1:30 a.m. to drive from Amsterdam to Kufstein (which is close to Salztberg).

We encountered a little bit of snow but it was just a light flurry.

My Thursday evening schedule the night before was jamb packed. First I skied in the snow. Really. We’d gotten enough snow to accumulate in Holland. I took a lesson on the artificial slope. It was very icy. My replacement ski instructor showed us how to make a sharp turn on a steel hill. I would need this knowledge shortly. Then I skipped yoga class in order to attend my book club.

After filling up the multiple day cat feeder with dry kibble and grabbing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy, Leonardo, that I had bought earlier to entertain Andy on the trip, we were off.

We stopped in Germany at 6:30 a.m. for breakfast. The toilet was interesting as only European toilets can be. First we had to purchase a ticket to open the door. There was no flush button but as we left the stall a) the whole bowl is washed down with disinfectant as it flushes and b) the special toilet seat is rotated automatically under a sponge and then c) blown with warm air to dry it off. Luckily the coupon was redeemable for food in the rest stop cafeteria.

We listened to a CD my mother had sent me. My childhood baby sitter had made a recording of gospel music with her parents. They are called the ‘Abners’. Allan called it, “Prarie Home Companion music.” When Andy got restless I gave him his toy.

Our hotel in Kufstein was up a hill. The road to it is closed for a few hours every afternoon to allow the guests to sled down. We caught up with the Koopmanschaps, a family that was in our group at the bottom of the road at 11:00.

Some of our party had stopped at the foot of the hill to put their snow chains on their SUV. Allan decided chains wouldn’t be necessary for our Civic. We fish tailed as the Koopmanschap’s tried to back down in front of us because a snowplow was making it’s way down the road. I got out of the car with my son and walked where we could watch the drama unfolding before us at a distance.

Someone phoned for assistance, shortly thereafter a pickup truck with a wench arrived to help us all to safety.

The SUV moved their chains from the back to their front tires while we figured out how to put on our chains.

At 12:00 we made it the last 3 1/2 kilometers to our hotel. Yes, the first 945 1/2 km took 9 ½ hours and the last 33 1/2 km took 1 hour. We waited. I felt like it was a ‘hurry up and wait’ situation. Why did we rush here to sit on a snowy mountain all afternoon? I thought. The children played in the snow and the grownups sat in the bar.

Saturday, February 28

We’d agreed to meet at 8:00 a.m. for breakfast. Allan was downstairs with Andy so since it was only 7:45 I used the opportunity to practice a little yoga. Everybody was already at breakfast by the time I’d gotten there. Allan chided me for holding everybody else up.

We arrived in Leogang at 10:30 without incident. Picture postcard views of snowly mountains greeted up from every car window.

The entire group went in mass to buy lift tickets and to rent equipment. Andy was disappointed that he didn’t get poles. I saw a pair of moon boots that I like but I wanted to do some comparison shopping first so I didn’t buy them.

Buy 1:00 p.m. we were on the slopes of Asitz Mountain. The rest of the group had decided to take it easy by staying on the bunny slope that afternoon. Allan was raring to go. My desire to follow my husband overrode my trepidations over jumping in headfirst.

At the top of the first run, Andy froze and refused to go any further. I had already descended a bit so I side stepped back up to stay with him. Allan was still at the top with Andy so while I slowly made my way back up, Allan found someone to watch Andy. Then Allan attacked the run alone. Andy kept pestering me to collect an icicle from the side of a building. Finally I caved in and he immediately broke the top off and cried for me to get him another one.

We waited and waited and waited. At last Allan returned. After consulting the piste map we decided to ski all the way down the mountain on red and blue runs. I thought that if it got too steep I could always ‘ruche’ or slip sideways on my skis. I was very tired hungry and dehydrated. At one point I had Al’s poles and my own as he coaxed Andy down the slope. I hit a patch of ice and just sat down. Everywhere I looked there was ice. I couldn’t even ruche! Very awkwardly, hugging the 4 poles to my chest I crawled off the ice. Halfway down Asitz you can get back in the lift and ride down. We didn’t because according to the trail map we had already skied the hardest part [red #89]. And the rest of the way would be a blue [#90] beginner’s slope.

I don’t know who decides what difficulty a slope is but in my view they got these two reversed. I would maintain this opinion when I got up the nerve to come down the same way again later in the week.

By 3:30 we were back in our clean Austrian hotel. We all felt smug and pleased with ourselves as terrible reports of traffic jams rolled in. Our ski boots were drying on a heated rack. Andy attached himself to Jelle [pronounced ‘Yell-ah] a nine year old boy in our party. I enjoyed a pot of hot tea. And vowed NEVER to follow my husband again. There were plenty of other less adventurous skiers in our group that I could join.

Dinner tasted a lot like Mom’s pot roast and there was thick yummy yogurt for dessert. We had a long interesting conversation with Joke (pronounced Yoe-kuh) about the difference between U.S. and Dutch work culture. She said that I had a golden opportunity to practice my Dutch that week, which was true, our hosts, the rest of the party and even Andy’s ski instructor were Dutch. I went upstairs to read ‘Fog and Toad’ to Andy before putting him to bed.

Sunday, February 29

For breakfast I had:

· Slices of cheese

· Eggs scrambled with smoked salmon

· Bacon

· Ostrich pate on rye bread

We took all the little kids (5 of them) from ages 4-9, to ski school. Sascha who is 8 and an excellent skier already stayed with her family. After reassuring ourselves that the kids had a competent teacher we rode the gondola up to the top of Mount Asitz for coffee. By now it was almost lunchtime. I’d only done a few runs on the bunny slope where we dropped off the kids. I was itching to go. Finally Ellen Koopmanschap and I did the top two blue runs. I was disappointed that after 6 months of lessons I was still only comfortable on the green (very easy) trails.

After collecting the kids at 3 or was it 3:30 back in the hotel Allan reviewed the days digital pictures on the laptop he’d brought along. The ski instructor asked that we get poles for the children taking lessons after all. Andy was delighted. While at the ski rental place I eyed the moon boots that I had seen earlier. But didn’t buy them.

Dinner was schnitzel and frites or breaded fried pork tenderloin and French fries with salad bar and ice cream for dessert. Everyone took up the challenge to get Andy to eat. Paul, Jelle’s father managed to get Andy to try a bite of schnitzel. Our hosts were Dutch and had run a restaurant in Holland before turning their hands at hotel management. The food was wonderful every meal. We all loosened our belts. That was the last time in a long time that I could wear the jeans that I had brought along for evening attire. Luckily I also had brought along some stretch pants. So I didn’t have to wear my ski pants to dinner.

There was only a shower in our room but Andy was so sore, dirty and tired that I just stood him under the sprayer-that could be lowered to about 4 feet while I sat on the closed toilet lid. The shower stall did have a funny pipe that could plug the drain. This allowed oh, maybe 5 inches of water to collect on the floor of the shower. There was enough room for him to sit there.

Monday, March 1

It was a bit of a jolt to not have eggs for breakfast after having them practically every morning for the last 14 months, but we managed.

Again we rode to the top of Asitz Mountain after dropping off the kids. We took blue runs #87 and #85. Which were to remain some of my favorites for the week.

I realized for me anyway that skiing is the art of continually losing control and regaining it.

The logistics of the ski area were very high tech in my opinion. Lift tickets contained a chip. By keeping my lift ticket in my left hip pocket I could simply ‘bump’ up against the sensor at the lift entrance to open the turnstile to get on the lift.

That afternoon the three of us drove into a nearby village to;

1. put air in one of the car tires

2. get some protein into Andy in the form of McDonald’s chicken nuggets. For lunch that day he’d been offered spaghetti which he didn’t eat. Not surprising since he never HAS eaten pasta.

3. Shop for moon boots. The trip was fruitless.

For dinner we had pasta.

Tuesday March 2

Inexplicably, boiled eggs were on offer for along with the usual breakfast buffet. Guiltily I enjoyed 2. (!!!)

Rested and renewed, -my husband skiing with the other dare devil group –I decided to tackle red run #89. My dear neighbor, Ben talked me through every turn. This was SO easy! Ben’s a very relaxed and experienced skier. I DONE GOOD!. Blue run #90 I found to be a bit too icy for my taste again, even with Ben’s coaching.

I felt like I was in control. I was happy with how I could maintain my form. But I still thought that I needed more lessons.

From the hotel I walked into Leogang and bought the pair of moon boots that I had seen earlier where we’ rented our stuff.

Wednesday, March 3

I decided to ski with my husband. It was foggy which obscures the surface details making it hard to see where you’re heading.

After starting our I thought, “this is too hard!” Allan assured me that it would probably be clear further up on the other side of the mountain. It wasn’t. I couldn’t get my boots adjusted right. I was so tired. I broke form by dragging my uphill pole to slow me down.

There were 12 of us skiing together. At one point 11 of us were lined up like dominoes waiting for Allan. I was the first domino in line. Allan plowed into me knocking me and some of the others over. Shortly after that I decided to turn back. It was JUST LIKE being on the patch of ice the first day. There wasn’t any good way to proceed. At one impossible point Allan said to follow an instructor leading a class. We avoided what looked like a terrible bumpy slope and took what turned out to be an easy way down.

It was such a relief to reach familiar territory and ski red run #89 halfway down. This turned out to be my favorite trail. Halfway we stopped for an omelet. Allan hadn’t tried kaiserschmarren yet. Kaiserschmarren is like a sweet omelet made with custard and sprinkled with powdered sugar.

Allan took blue run #90 down. I rode in the gondola.

This was the last day of lessons for the kids. At 3:30 they were to enjoy a kiddy disco at the restaurant close to where we left them with the teacher every morning. I was the only one on time. But it didn’t matter. With my last Euro’s I bought the children a round of colas and waited for the other parents.

That night in the hotel restaurant it was Tyroler night. We were in the Tyrol region of the Alps. The cook had gone to great pains to prepare local dishes. Allan was the only one to enjoy the liver dumplings [knodeln]. I declined the strudel for dessert but did enjoy my usual glass of red wine. Traditional Tyroler fare includes:

· Omelet soup

· Spaetzle [potato noodles]

· Chicken

· Knodeln

· Waldorf salad made with grated celeriac root

Thursday, March 4

Andy and I took the day off.

We colored and read more ‘Frog and Toad’. I took him back to McDonald’s for another protein/chicken nugget fix. I couldn’t figure out the air hose so I couldn’t pump up our semi-flat tire.

Andy played for hours in the snow out in front of our hotel while I sat in the sun on the terrace.

Friday, March 5

Eggs for breakfast, yah! Blue skies met us on this cold day. I skied the top two blue runs with Andy and Allan. Andy was fearless. This was familiar territory for him now. It was nice to end on a beautiful day with perfect conditions.

I stopped halfway after enjoying my favorite trail –red #89 and had a bowl of beef bouillon soup. I had been constantly battling dehydration the whole week. Andy and Al went on down the dreadful –in my opinion blue #90. I wasn’t worried about Andy, because he’d skied blue #90 with his class on numerous times. Allan was supposed to meet me by 11:45 so we could go have lunch as the foot of the baby slope where Andy’s ski school was going to end the week with a friendly competition. He didn’t show up on time so I rode the lift down and waited for him there. Did I misunderstand? Finally he showed up. We then jumped into the car and drove over to Leogang, about 5 minutes away for lunch. Andy wouldn’t eat the kaiserschmarren, schnitzel or sausage that we ordered. But we did find out that he would eat Kaiser rolls.

The races were very low key. Emphasis was put on participation by the groups. All the children stood in a circle and sang ‘if you’re happy and you know it’. At the end they all got medals and candy.

I was trying to get in one last perfect run when a little girl came zooming up behind me. We both went tumbling. It just goes to show you that you can do everything right and it STILL not be good.

We packed that night. Most were leaving at ridiculous early hours to avoid traffic. Andy conked out early because he wasn’t feeling well. A bug had been going around felling various members of our party all week. Thank goodness Andy didn’t get it until the last day. It did mean that we had to stop about every hour for him to use the toilet. The bug didn’t get me until we were home for a couple of days.

Reservations are already made for next year.

NEXT TIME

· The first day we’re gonna ski on the bunny slope with the rest of the

· We’ll try to ski in some of the ‘little areas’ nearby

· We’ll bring less clothes –and incidentally I want to decline dessert-it took me AGES to lose the three pounds that I gained that week

· Bring plastic window stickers for Andy to play with in the car